“The Time I’ve Lost in Wooing” is a set of lyrics that Thomas Moore wrote for the old Irish air Pease Upon a Trencher. It describes a young man’s plight as he finds himself, despite his feeble attempts to resist, distracted by young ladies’ beauty to the point that it disrupts his life. He laments his situation, referring to his “folly”. He doesn’t really address the other side of it, that (a) it’s not exactly difficult to distract a man and that (b) unless he can’t restrain himself from whipping out his boner in public there’s really no “folly” in being rendered temporarily incompetent by a foxy chick. Here at Queen of Hearts and Modern Love, we do our best keep the ladies stunning and the men confused. And since I don’t want to propagate gender stereotypes too much, I’ll allow that we aim to confuse all the lesbians too. Consider us an armory, dispensing charm instead of guns. Today, while most of America is loudly drinking itself silly, behaving badly and being a giant douchebag, show your “Irish pride”, if you must, by slipping on one of these pretty little talismans instead of slipping on your own cabbagey green vomit in a crowded public restroom. (Sarcastic quotes directed at aforementioned douchebags, not any actual Irish-Americans.) Everyone will most likely be plenty confused, blathering, and witless by the time you get to them, but hey. Knock ‘em dead.
- Shoes, Bow Belle by Irregular Choice $130
These amazing mint-green beauties are as practical as they are bitching. The soles are super texturized sticky rubber, perfect for navigating through whatever has been spilled.
- Candy Chrome Ring by Octo, $4
If you like it, then you should put a ring on it.
- Bow Barettes, $13.95
These will match the eyes of everyone who looks at you. With envy.
- Scarf, handmade by Jill Lauren, $40
It’s March. It’s still cold.
Cocktail hat by Karen Beebe, $18
A cocktail hat. A green cocktail hat. Now is the time.
- Good Luck Clover Necklace, $24
This says “Good Luck” in twelve, count ‘em, twelve different languages! (Two of them are English.)
- Fabric Petal Earrings by Mary Mary, $14
Do you like it when your sex partner nuzzles your neck? Soft fabric earrings help with that. Metal pokes.
Olivia sunglasses, $14
Because it’s St. Patrick’s Day, too. And these are minty fresh.
Password by Seychelles, $90
I have these. I LOVE these. I never wear high heels, ever, but I wear these. These are four inches you could go jogging in. And oh, look, the inside is a pot of freaking gold.
Necklace by Sarah Clover, $40
This necklace is rock & roll. Really, because its made from slices of a record.
Hat by Annie Johnson, $22
Oh HELL yes. Wear this hat.
We recommend wearing the tiny hat along with this barrette as a bow tie and these matching shoe clips.
Shoe Clips, $12 & Barette, $15, by With Care
Twinkle toes inDEED.
Bow Necklace by With Care, $15
If you don’t have a collar, go with this necklace. Do it quickly, because I’m pretty sure I want this and I’m very good at justifying purchases I can’t afford in the name of festivity.
Socks by We Love Colors, $6
If you don’t want to go all out, get some green socks for just a hint of clover at your ankles when you delicately cross your legs like the lady you are. And for goodness sake, please watch your cup. Roofies.
