Too Sexy for my Shirt.

If you’ve never seen Romancing the Stone, you’re going to want to take care of that immediately.  There is a moment in the movie when (spoiler alert!) Michael Douglas is lying on top of Kathleen Turner.  They are naked, and he places his left hand on her ribs just under her right breast and slowly but very firmly slides it down the length of her body down to her naked hip, the bone of which you can just make out above the concavity of the dimple on the side of her buttcheek.  I was 10 years old when I saw this moment, and it simultaneously made me want very badly to have sex with a man with a gun in Hotel Cartagena and also strongly wonder if I might be gay.

Kathleen Turner.  Oh my God.  Kathleen Turner.

She makes Angelina Jolie and Megan Fox look like Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum in drag.  She is the only woman on whom I can fathom bestowing the term “blisteringly sexy”.

What is it about her?  Her voice is part of it.  The voice that broke a little when it told William Hurt, “Oh God, I’m so sore,” in Body Heat.  The voice that brought Jessica Rabbit to life.  Patty-cake, anyone?  Yeah, that’s part of it.

Is it her hair, wild and tousled, looking as if it was just lifted off a very badly beaten pillow?

Her ripe, inviting, slightly parted lips?

Her perfectly curvy but also perfectly ordinary body and the way it tilts toward a man just so?

All of these things add up.  But if you had a Sexy Woman Cookbook, those ingredients would only be equivalent to the salt and spices.  The foundation of the recipe for Kathleen Turner, the 5 pounds of pork butt or hamburger, if you will, is what the French call Je ne sais quois.  They can’t say what it is, but don’t worry, I can.  It’s her confidence.  It’s how perfectly, 100% comfortable with herself and self-assured she is.  She’s Kathleen Turner and she doesn’t want to be anyone else.  The detestable stink of insecurity, self-doubt, eagerness to please, desire to be desired, and hunger for acceptance that wafts across the scent of an unfortunately large number of women has no place with Kathleen Turner.  She’s a physically attractive woman, but not exceptionally so.  She has magnetism.  The iron cord of self-acceptance and self-love that runs through her body vibrates with a power that sends shimmering waves of heat cascading off her skin, and you can almost hear her clothes screaming in agony, “Get us off of her!  Get us off of her!  It hurts us to cover this up!”  She should be naked, always, and she usually does look naked even when clothed.  She shines.  She embodies the axiom, “Wear your clothes.  Don’t let your clothes wear you.”  And when she wears those clothes, baby, she is a woman.  No bows, no circle skirts, no plastic accessories or too-short hemlines.  She also accomplices what so many try to do and fail: she shows off her body without looking like a total skank.  She dresses like a grown up.

Try it out, will you?

Jaime Dress, $81 Maya Pump, $168

Check out the cut-out back. It's sick.

Skyler Dress, $58

So easy to wear. So easy to take off.

Faylinn Dress, $72

There's that Fatale element we were looking for.

Dawn Dress, $54 Vana Wedge, $62

Alana Dress, $72. Brixton Hat, $42

It looks like this when you walk.

Nikki Skirt, $54 Mina Top, $18

Not that dressed up, with everywhere to go.

Claire Skirt, $58 Top by Karen Beebe

Relax. You look so good when you relax.

The sexiest thing you can possibly do when you get dressed is not try.  Quit piling on makeup and going through a million outfits before you find the right one.  Trust that no matter what you wear, the only thing you need is your Je ne sais quois.  Effort, lady, does not become you.

And yeah, yeah, I know Ms. Turner got old and fat.  She did that with confidence and style, too.

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About Queen of Hearts and Modern Love

We are Queen of Hearts, a fashion boutique featuring cool, covetable jewelry, amazingly adorable dresses, and uniquely perfect gifts in downtown Providence. A lot of our inventory is handcrafted by talented local designers and artists. We also have a little sister! Her name is Modern Love. She's a sleek, modern shoe store with a gorgeous selection of shoes, jewelry, and accessories. She's currently stocked with Frye, Irregular Choice, Poetic License, Nicole, Hue tights, We Love Colors hosiery, and many many more. We love to see your beautiful face in person, but if you can't make it visit our new online shop at http://www.queenofheartsandmodernlove.com!
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2 Responses to Too Sexy for my Shirt.

  1. love the blog ladies!!!!! Keep up the amazing work and keep the fashion coming! xo

  2. Dolly Pop! says:

    Wow, just wow. Really inspiring post.

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