The Way You Do the Things You Do

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Attennnnnnn- SHUN!

There isn’t quite a better demonstration of the expression “The clothes make the (wo)man” than paper dolls. I was a big fan of paper dolls when I was small. I liked them for the same reason I loved coloring books. Both entertainments offered the palpable reassurance that certain things belonged within preordained confines, they offered me as the child the power align the appropriate garment to its body or color to its outline, and they offered these things with an absolute guarantee of success. Coloring books and paper dolls offer grownups no opportunity to insult a child’s artwork in the way that grownups are so infuriatingly incapable of preventing themselves from doing.

“What is it?”

“It’s a unicorn stabbing the ghost in the neck that lives in the woods behind our backyard, what the heck does it look like?!”

“You’re grounded from television.”

“But we don’t have one!!!”

“Then you’re just grounded. Don’t yell. Go to your room.”

Paper dolls come with predefined outfits that fit just right, with cute little shoes and accessories to match. And sure, you can be silly and make your doll pair the elegant black evening gown with the Carmen Miranda hat, but it is so intensely satisfying to put things wear they belong and admire your impeccable, albeit easy, work.

My closet is sort of like a closet for paper dolls. It’s less emphasis on outfit and more emphasis on costume. It’s not, “What do I want to look like today?” it’s, “Who do I want to look like today?” Unfortunately, it involves a lot of planning and falls to pieces for five days the third week of every month. If only it could be as easy as folding cardstock tabs over your shoulders and calling it a day.

Enter the bombshell. The things… this dress… will do… to your body… You don’t even know. You put it on, and you are transformed. This dress wears the appearance of the most adorable pinup dress in the world, but it has powers. It’s a full-body, full-soul girdle. You put it on and you become this woman, this swaying, sashaying woman who suddenly has amazing posture, an incredible rack (as someone who is coming from a starting point of a fairly negligible rack, trust me, incredible), and an ass that just won’t quit. It puts a wiggle in your walk, a gleam in your eye, a flip in your hair, a sigh in the air surrounding you as you strut by. It lowers your voice a little, puts a measure of authority into it a lot, and I’ve also noticed the side effect, though it could be my imagination, of quick snappy neck movements coupled with direct and devilish stares, like a velociraptor. A sexy velociraptor who’s about to give somebody the business. It is impossible to wear this dress and feel bloated or overwhelmed or sad. It is magic. It is power.

So don’t even insult it by trying to wear it with flats. You wear it with these. The Fever Pitch boot from Seychelles may be intimidating to the grown woman whose sense of fashionable daring has fallen casualty to the wicked whittlings of barbed words from past teenage peers or rude comments from strangers. Ladies is pimps too, brush that dirt off your shoulders! Women who wear purple shoes do not give a good goddamn what anyone else might think or say about their shoes. Women who wear suede, lace up, high-heeled purple shoes are divine beings who know what they want, know what they like, fear nothing, and crush the demons Routine and Mundanity under their 4-inch heels. Oh, but what will they go with? That’s not the question. The question is what will go with them. The answer is EVERYTHING.

Those are the big guns, the dress and the shoes. Are you cold? Cold whether makes fashion disintegrate faster than you can say, “seasonal depression.” Give your outfit the respect it deserves by covering it only with the most sharply tailored, classy little camel wool coat you can get your hands on. You can make the whole thing picture perfect with little perfectly coordinated pieces like the cap, the devastatingly adorable enamel anchor studs, and the ring for a complete, unified ensemble that goes together like perforated outlines and cardstock. And if you get tired of being the Bombshell (umm, you won’t), you can slip out of it and fold something else over your shoulders. A floor-length Edwardian nightgown, perhaps? Whoever you want to be. Just go for it.


About Queen of Hearts and Modern Love

Queen of Hearts est. 2006, a fashion boutique featuring cool, covetable jewelry, amazingly adorable dresses, and uniquely perfect accessories. Queen of Hearts also has a large lifestyle, gift and bath & body section. Located in the heart of the arts district in downtown Providence, RI. We have a little sister! Her name is Modern Love est. 2010. She’s a sleek, modern lifestyle store with a gorgeous selection of jewelry and accessories for you and your home. Carrying lines such as Herschel, Brixton, Fjall Raven, Orla Kiely, Paddywax, Crow Canyon and more. Not only do we pride ourselves on our top-notch customer service but, also provide complimentary gift wrapping for all your holiday gifts and treasures. We are also a dog-friendly shopping destination, year-round! We welcome you to step into our cozy, uniquely curated boutique where everyone is welcome. We are open every day!We love to see your beautiful face in person, but if you can't make it visit our new online shop at! Hours: Sunday 11 AM - 5 PM, Monday - Wednesday 11 AM - 6 PM Thursday - Saturday 11 AM - 8 PM
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2 Responses to The Way You Do the Things You Do

  1. Pingback: Stop Staring! fits paper dolls, too! | Cocktail Dress Blog

  2. Hahaha you must be joking.Something like that is nothing but just nonsense.

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