Oh, the holidays.
OH, THE HOLIDAYS.
It’s hard to find a grown-up who doesn’t hate this season. It’s a season of monetary obligation, lengthened work hours, and domestic stress. If you have a family their presence bugs you more and if you don’t have one you feel their absence more. And just when the hell, exactly, are you supposed to go to the post office? Everyone gets doughy and pale as the minutes of light in the day diminish in proportion to the insidious increase in the incidence of brown peppermint sludge passing itself off as coffee, and you’d really like to have a nice afternoon baking cookies for your friends while you listen to the Bing Crosby Christmas album, but hours are scarcer than sunshine and it’s a great triumph of time management if you manage to floss. And somehow, between falling asleep in your jeans and losing fistfuls of hair over all the obligations you’re expected to fulfill, you’re supposed to host and/or show up at holiday parties looking not just party-pretty, but more glitteringly dazzling than humans usually do.
Take a deep breath. Aside from telling you that and to avoid the post office on the corner of Weybosset and Green if possible (it’s small, crowded, and the ferrety little man who works there is unnecessarily and consistently mean), we can’t give you advice about how to make it to December 26th without grinding your teeth down to nubs in your sleep, but we can give you advice about how to shine while you walk through the garlanded gauntlet. We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again– when you look good, you feel good. We present to you a holiday-appropriate outfit that we have crafted to carry you from your 7:00 AM coffee, through a mid-day wasteland of profit and loss statements, all the way to the 2:00 AM conclusion of a corporate holiday event without ever having to stop home before it’s time to collapse in an exhausted heap of glitter and receipt paper.
To start: The Vina Skirt, Sweetheart Top, and Jorjanna Jacket. This is your base layer. By day, the Vina skirt is a work-appropriate high-waisted tweed pencil skirt of the “sexy secretary” variety, the Sweetheart Top is a prim, blushing cream puff of a blouse that peaks shyly out from the open front of the Jorjanna blazer, which evokes nostalgia in evergreen plaid while structured details like strong shoulders and a gathered pleated bustle grab attention and command respect. You pair this with opaque black leggings or tights and a sensible but smart pump like the Tia. And then you take care of business. When night falls (don’t point out that it’s falling at 4:30, you’ll only embarrass it), you duck into a bathroom. You take off your tights or leggings and you pull on something sheer with a back seam and a Cuban heel. You take off your sensible pumps and shove them into your bag, and you pull out the Be Dazzled sandal from Luchiny. Once you slip this on your foot, Cinderella, you’ll be ready for your pumpkin to drag your tired ass wherever it needs to go. This is a very special shoe and I’ll tell you why: people are unfathomably obsessed with not mixing metals. Oh no! My shoes are silver but the earrings I want to wear are gold! It’s as if silver and gold were two versions of the same substance from alternate dimensions and people are watching them in horror, begging for them not to touch lest the forbidden contact tear a screaming hole in the fabric of the universe. Take a close look at this shoe: it looks silver, right? Take a close look at this shoe: it looks gold, right? The Be Dazzled is blessed with the magical property of looking like silver OR gold, depending on how you look at it. Like Mona Lisa’s eyes, it follows you…’re deepest holiday footwear desires as they walk across the room. Do you question the magical metallic properties of this shoe? Look, it’s laughing at you. Each charming little sparkly bow on the transparent T-strap is a giggling little hiccup that puts your irrational fears to rest. They appear to be magically scattered up your foot like twinkling baby angels, held in place only by their love for you and their desire to be no other place on earth than your lovely metatarsus. And suddenly, once you’re wearing these magic shoes, the golden lurex threads in the Vina skirt come to light. You can complete your ensemble with a nice, 100% vegan, vintage-inspired mesh evening bag– we have them in silver, gold, and black– and a fabulous pair of rhinestone chandelier earrings. Fancy Schmancy. You’ll still be comfortable because you’re wearing a dependably cute outfit, with or without the jacket, but with just a few easy tweaks you’ll shine brighter than a Christmas tree. How lovely are your branches.