1. Record Vinyl-cut Heart Earrings by Sarah Clover 2. Double Heart Gold Hoops 3. Double Breasted Skirted Trench 4. Diella Dress 5. I ♥ Unicorns EDP 6. Stacked Chevron Rings 7. Trillium Organics Grapefruit Body Polish 8. Nomad Boot
Yes. Your eyes do not deceive you. Those boots are real. They are turquoise and they look like they are made from dragon skin and they are more comfortable than the womb. They are $145. Of course, they are worth every single penny. But how can you possibly justify buying them? Well. How many times have you heard someone say something like this?
“I never do anything for Valentine’s Day, it’s just a stupid Hallmark holiday designed to get you to spend money on stupid crap, it’s stupid capitalistic bull. I do nice things for my partner for no reason all the time, I don’t need a dumb holiday to let someone know how I feel.”
Ladies. Gentlemen. If you ever hear anyone say this to you, walk away from them, and let them die alone without ever again receiving a stupid, Hallmark-esque, capitalistic birthday or Christmas present. Everyone deserves a little extra love on Valentine’s Day, a little extra attention, a little extra reminder from someone special that says, “Hey! I just wanted to make sure you know that I think you are 100% absolutely GREAT!” However, sometimes there isn’t someone special, or else there is a someone but you know they might not be the type to really “get it”. Well, there really isn’t any reason why your special someone can’t be you. You know how hard you work, you know all the myriad ways you spread the love year-round, you know how great you are, and you know what you want. So make a date with your fine self, and don’t let yourself down by showing up like a scrub. Dress ta impress. This is you we’re talking about.
Get thee to the bathtub. Get hot, get steamy, take a scoop of Trillium Organics pink grapefruit body polish, and get smooooooooth. This all-over exfoliant leaves your skin shiny, moisturized, glowing, and absolutely begging to be touched. I recommend you oblige. When you have satisfied yourself, a spritz of perfume should be applied before you dress. Perfume should only ever be applied when completely nude or it loses its magic. And it doesn’t get much more magical than I ♥ Unicorns EDP, the popular scent from the small, independent New Jersey-based company A Beautiful Life. Everyone who smells it has a different scent experience; it has been reported to carry notes of pomegranate, bubble gum, jasmine, frankincense, vetiver, and Pez.
The dress you don should be irrefutably feminine, wildly flattering, flirtatiously sexy, and ridiculously comfortable. I mean, what else is a cotton jersey, candy-pink pinstripe dress with peekaboo cutouts in the front and back and a generously full circle skirt for if not for walking by a mirror and saying “Oh hey girl, heeeeeyyyyyyyyyy!” So don’t even think about covering it up unless it’s with an equally spectacular garment like a full-skirted, chocolate-box-red trench coat with a chunky, seventies-inspired lapel and cuffs to match. Accessorize with in-your-face Valentine’s themed earrings that whisper “Please be mine!” every time they graze your cheek, and give yourself a promise ring so you remember to always keep your vow to never blow yourself off. And then, then you put on your shoes.
There has never been a boot as spectacular as this boot. Its existence is a masterful portrait of the blissfully harmonious marriage of function and design. It is squealingly comfortable. The chunky, stacked 2″ heel offers just enough height to give your legs and tush a boost without sacrificing a sliver of wearability. The zipper that runs up the back of the ankle is thick, no-nonsense, badass, and allows for a trimmer ankle silhouette than would be possible if the boots were slip-on. Adding to the flattering lines is the sharply dipping V-cut in the front, serving to elongate those sexy legs while allowing for a greater range of motion. The insole is soft, buttery leather that will mold to the specific form of your instep with wear, and the outsole is— I need to remember to breathe— the outsole is a velvety explosion of perfectly formed little leather fangs that meld together to form a swath of texture reminiscent of a seraphim’s wings or a baby dragon’s scales, bathed in an intensely pigmented shade of violently rich turquoise. Miz Mooz calls it “ocean”. I call it “When I look at this color I can see the love of all my unborn children unfolding like an origami sunset in all directions for infinity, embracing the universe with incomprehensible acceptance and light”. Now that’s a feeling you can capitalize on.